A Kulczycki is a potato eating machine. A common side effect of having a Kulczycki close by is to have a severe case of the buscholls, and a sudden urge to play soccer. There is no way known to remove yourself of a Kulczycki but a large dose heavy smoking will render him useless enabling you to poke him in the eyes. This is its only known weakness.
"Holy shit is that a Kulczycki?!?! I thought they were extinct!"
"Nope, I had a few of em' last week. Annoying little buggers aren't they?"